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Fireflies & Hopes!

July 1, 2010

I am sitting here with a jar of lightning bugs next to me. That’s fireflies for those of you unfamiliar with the previous name. Every once in a while…one or two will start to glow. I can’t wait until we can turn all the lights out in our RV.

Periodically, we see one that managed to get inside. Sometimes it will start to glow at night. Mostly, though, they all stay outside…until tonight when my son brought me some.

Fireflies are not the only lights I see outside. We have a string of blue Christmas lights hanging along the edge of our awning. Actually…it is two strings hooked end to end. For some reason one of the strings will be on for a while…then off for awhile. It is not really blinking. The amount of time it stays on and stays off is too long for that. It is just really strange to catch it going off and on through the corner of my eye.

This has been a tough week for me. The flashbacks have started to pick back up again. I am not sure why. I guess going through my art could be part of it…but I don’t really feel triggered when I go through it. Then there is the boundary drawing…spell it like it is email that I sent to my parents. While that did not seem to be triggering in itself…it did raise some inner grieving. I was really hoping that things would be different in my family…but I guess nothing has really changed…other than I am no longer the scared little girl/young woman that they can control and manipulate.

So what is triggering the flashbacks again? Perhaps it is just the added stress of our living situation lately. While I may not know the cause of this round…I do know this: nothing happens that is not caused or allowed by our Creator. Now…I don’t think He is causing it…but I do think He is allowing it. I guess He knows I am ready for more inner healing. I am ready to learn more about that part of my history that is still veiled in amnesia. And that is OK. I trust Him.

I hope that you, too, are trusting your life into the hands of the Creator. Our heavenly Abba/Father is very trustworthy. He loves us so much and sent His Son to show us what He is like.  I am so glad about that. Because of what Yeshua/Jesus has done I can have peace…even in the midst of some tough stuff. What a blessing it is to walk in His Spirit! Wow!

Take care until next time!

Oh…and if you appreciate your freedom to read this blog and to write one of your own if you want…thank a soldier! They make a lot of sacrifices so that we can have freedom!

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. July 5, 2010 11:53 PM

    You are in my prayers with your struggle with flashbacks. That must be very scary for you. God Bless you and your family.

    • July 10, 2010 4:32 PM

      Thanks, Slamdunk. It is difficult. I know what is going on…so they are not so much scary in that sense. But they are intense…and there is no way of knowing when it will stop. So, that can be a bit scary as I try to maintain. When the visuals come, I find myself fighting them…not wanting to believe them.

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