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It’s Been Awhile & Transparency

October 14, 2009

It’s been awhile since I have posted here about our family. There are several reasons for this. One is that I have been busy working on getting more structured and organized with our home education.

We have always been rather relaxed in our method of teaching. With our son being a later reader, we used a lot of videos in the beginning until his auditory distinction between vowel sounds became more developed. We also believe in using all of life for education, looking for teaching opportunities wherever we go and whatever we are doing. Our focus is on developing his character along with appropriate curriculum.

Now we are at a point where I am working on having more structure in the day. We are increasing the amount of curriculum we are using and are trying to get into more of a daily routine. Add to that attendance at a home school co-op. Between the changes and co-op, more of my time is being spent on his education.

Another reason is because of the time of the year. September and October are two of the toughest months of the year for me. My PTSD tends to be much more severe. There are other difficult times and anniversaries, but this is probably the toughest. You see, I know what happens on the 31st. I know what leads up to it. Although Fall is my favorite season, I hate that it is tainted with the evil people do.

And then there is our living situation. I am one of those people who tend to see the glass as being half full. I work very hard on finding something positive in everything I can. Lord knows I have grown up with enough negativity. I have battled enough depression. So, I choose to see a brighter side. I trust in my heavenly Abba’s use of all I go through for His greater purposes.

However, the reality is that life is sometimes very hard. Living in a tiny space and having a personality type that needs solitude to recharge…well, I cannot help that it does have an impact on me. I don’t talk about it much…and I don’t think I have written about it here at all…at least not to my recollection. I am thinking that it is time for some transparency.

I know Whose I am. Yahweh/God’s. I know Who is always with me…Yeshua/Jesus…who promised He would never leave us or forsake us. I know who dwells within me…the Ruach HaKodesh/Holy Spirit. I am comforted by this understanding. I know that I am not alone…in that sense. However, that does not mean that, just because I follow Yeshua/Jesus life is a dream and I have no trials or tribulations. On the contrary,  Yeshua taught us that we WILL have trials, but we are not to lose heart.

Like it or not, my situation effects me. Almost all of the things I would normally use to get grounded and stay grounded with my PTSD…I no longer have access to. Not in this tiny RV. The shipping container holding our belonging is bigger than our living space. It is 40′ x 8′. We have a common living space of 11′ x 7 1/2′ with a tiny bathroom attached to one end and an over cab bed on the other. Total length of the RV (including the cab and engine) is about 24′. So, educating my son, my PTSD hitting and being effected by my living situation all contribute to my being online less.

Another reason is my feeling sick. I am allergic to a micro-organism that grows around here. A lot of people are. The Indians did not call this area “Sick Valley” for nothing. This causes me to feel unwell and very drained physically…on top of the emotional drain I am constantly dealing with. I have not really had to battle depression in quite awhile. That is not to say that I have not been hit by life, but I have always been able to stay on top of it. Lately, I am finding myself slipping into depression.

So, it is time to start taking the SamE again…which I have found really does help. It can be a bit pricey for the good quality stuff that actually works for me…but it is worth it. I am also working on spending more time doing good self care. That means limiting the number of things I commit to do and spending more time in the word and with the Lord.

Another thing effecting my time is the early arrival of the cold weather. We just jumped from hot to cold, for which we were unprepared. The tarp over the RV was ripped to shreds and we were hoping to be able to get into a house before having to replace it. Well, the cold weather and the rain forced our hand on that. Without the tarp helping to keep some of the heat in, the cold air outside caused condensation to form in the upper parts of the walls inside my cabinets and closet…causing mold to grow. So, now I am also busy with cleaning that up and doing mold prevention.

I hope to be able to write more here real soon. I have much to share and lots of pictures. Working with photos and writing is something that brings me great enjoyment, especially the photos I am working on and hoping to sell as cards. However, this is life right now. I am just hanging on for the ride. This, too, shall pass.

Hope to be back here soon! *smile*

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